The letters smile at me, and my lips form an e. I gaze upon the monitor--encased in the white chatbox, I could see my companion's amused face.

TEN FACTS ABOUT SHE WHO DRAWS

1. I tend to answer surveys when I'm tagged.
2. Sometimes I find a mirror and I stop and stare at it for a long time.
3. I dream of flying. *nudge wink*
4. I can be whatever I want if I put my mind to it.
5. I am now a broom. See what our minds can do?
6. I talk to myself. Or do I pray?
7. Half of my room is of things that are bought. Where does the other half come from?
8. I love Art. Too bad it doesn't reciprocate my feelings. *glares at FA*
9. The buses honk, the jeeps screech. I do both.
10. Sorry, girls--I'm taken.

Eandz (I made mention of you!), you have already been tagged by (merry) Merri, and I choose not to tag anyone else. Have fun widdit. =D
.

    I'm sorry I don't talk to you much. You never respond and it gets pretty boring after feeling like I've only talked to myself, and at least I answer my own questions. But sometimes I tire of my own heavy pessimism and would like a sunshiny insight from Someone whom I'd like to believe is the Force of All Things Wonderful.
    I am here figuratively down on my knees, like how Your people usually remember you for, to ask--beg, rather--for a satisfactory semester. Failure would be deadly, and as You know Everything, I'm sure You can understand how grave this is -- does it end at that?
    Regret won't solve anything, but what else can I do? Why don't You tell me? I'm in a ditch. Every moment of climbing out feels like a waste of energy. I want to hop around the gardens like I used to, where interaction makes my existence worthwhile. Here I try to get out, end up with falling back down again, and feel miserable for both my incapability and the lack of resources to do anything about it. Do I have to constantly chase after the lush fields as a dark, looming blanket of stagnancy is rending everything behind us?
    If ever You may see failure as a bigger opportunity to learn, which is ironic as learning in school should result in good grades, then let Your Will be done. I wouldn't blame You even if I wanted to, for who else caused every day put off for another but your own daughter Vanessa?
    Thanks for watching from afar.
    If I shall at once move on to work, then I hope to make good use of the supposed remaining two years of uni and start churning good local animation out sooner. If they do get finished.
    But miracles do happen. I'd be more than happy to do the same and get a degree, then view sunflowers at peace, sniff them, or plant my own.

    I still feel like I'm talking to myself. You listen; that's what they all say.
    Amen.

As I am as dandy as a rock right now, I thought this may be the perfect time to recall the good things of my currently indoor life.

TEN THINGS THAT MADE ME HAPPY recently:

1 The amber CSA rat, which bore from a week-long trial-and-error process. There are still imperfections but I don't mind! It has my sweat and blood ALL OVER IT. And my Mom's.
2 The fact that I am actually doing schoolwork now that the ultimate deadline's creeping in. Pressure gets me working. I've accomplished a lot! I hope to finish the rest, some of them due months ago. =O
3 Eandra visiting me in FA, dragging Harroun along to hitc--to view my plates!
4 Using the DS and getting to play FFXII and Phoenix Wright! Thanks, Lara's bro.
5 I've been checking my grades on the CRS every waking day, where scrolling to the bottom for the current sem is as nail-biting as the Eat Bulaga people pulling zeroes and ones out of a fateful wheel-bound pillar. (The audience in my head goes "A three! Higher!") And I've passed my PE! Now for the rest of my subjects.
6 Lara said she'd miss my corniness. But then she's decided to take summer classes too so she doesn't have to anymore. :D
7 My Mom. She diligently helps me out with my plates like they were her own, like my joy and good grades would be hers.
8 The bright, sunny afternoon yesterday; perfect time to take photos!
9 TooHyper and Scriven wishing me good luck with my schoolwork. Positive words could mean so much in troubled times.
10 Jonna's graduation. I still can't believe I jerked in tears for her. I'm really happy her high school life has been eventful, and that she's been accomplishing her dreams with a group of friends that'll stick to her for the rest of her life.

I do feel happier. :D Thanks, Moppy!

Bonus! I'ma going to Pangasinan this week! I hope to experience the Hundred Islands and Lingayen Bay, and visit Lara's high school from outside! (And get inside one cunning way or another.) We'd play video games, have a marathon of sleep(less)overs, build intricate sand castles, have bangus as a staple diet and strawberries when we get to Baguio--I can't wait!


TAG: Rolando del Castillo, Lara Claveria

Answering cause I was tagged.

A - Available
Invisible!

B - Best Friends
Solitude ("Loneliness" sounds pitiful), music, bed 8D

C - Crush
Fruit shake, vegetable juice (Tipco's really good), giniling (gasp, no)

D - Dad's Name
Victor -- see a pattern?

E - Easiest Person(s) To Talk To
Witty Lara! Bothering Lou is never a bother. I'll have to forgive Eandra for being random; she just needs a little pulling up at times and some helpful mopping (I know you're reading, Eandz)

F - Favorite Band
Rubber, get it? (Not funny)

G - Gummy Bears Or Worms?
Gummy Bears -- they feel like animals =D

H - Hometown
Manila, which I've learnt to love despite living under its pretentious facade

I - Instrument
Guitar and piano, sort of. Pen and paper! PC! Formaldehyde! (I listed a lot; I tend to bend rules)

J - Job
6:8

K - Kids
My lovely visual spectacles (art, if you can't understand)

L - Longest Car Ride
Nine hours to Banaue, baybeh! Most recent was to Lucban, Quezon for five hours... awake!

M - Milk Flavor
Who made this survey? Of all the things that can be listed onto M. Melon!

N - Number Of Siblings
A brother I haven't talked to for months, and a sister I hardly get to chat with as well.

O - One Wish
Happiness for everyone, which in itself will have solved all the wishes of the world, ooh.
Beat that, Eandra!

P - Phobias
Stupid surveys like these, being bored out of my mind (zoo animals), and getting EATEN

Q - Favorite Quote
I should learn to say no! (To surveys)

R - Reason To Smile
People going the extra mile to help out without seeking personal gain

S - Song You Last Heard
If the PC's hum were a song, would it pass?

T - Time You Woke Up
Darn it, 10 am
Or did I?

U - Unknown Fact About Me
My main influence for drawing in the first place was Akazukin Chacha :3 -- many many many years ago!

V - Vegetable
I hoard them, so?
*thinks of witty comeback for Eandra*
*fails because there wasn't a witty statement thrown to me in the first place*

W - Worst Habits
Talking to myself (I agree)

X - X-Rays You've Had
Who cares? (Not me)

Y - Your Favorite Food
Basilio =D -- basil plant taken care of by Eandz

Z - Zodiac Sign
Hard-headed Taurus

TAG: Back at-cha, Eandra! (I had to say that for it sounds so Pokemon-ish.) Ean (Sean Tiu), Merri Chan, Merryan Jim, Lara Claveria
Oh, to pester busy people =D

Curse Eandra's waves of persuasion!

---

Rules:

* Answer the questions below.
* Take each answer and type it into Google.
* Take a picture from the first page of results and post.
* You can't copy the answers of the person who posted this before you.


1. The age you will be on your next birthday:

Let's go mooning!


2. A place you'd like to travel:

I didn't get much for "Academie d'Infini."


3. Your favorite place:


4. Your favorite food:

Share me love and I will never be hungry again. (Sounds like something Jesus would say.)


5. Your favorite animal:

It was tough choosing that between an anteater and Tare-Panda.


Your favorite color:

Take a guess. =D


7. The first name of your significant other:

Lol, Art my husband.


8. The town in which you live:

"Academie d'Infini" doesn't work very well.


9. Your nickname/screen name:

I found my own drawing of three years ago :3 among other cyber memories buried through the years.


10. Your first job:












11. A bad habit you have:


12. Your worst fear:



Normally I'd tag TooHyper, Lara Claveria, Janelle Ong and Scriven, but no. Just no.

I'm sorry; I HAVE to answer this survey I got from Merri.

1. Is it difficult for you to look into someone's eyes when you are telling them how you feel?
"God's sakes, you look like shit." Yea, that would be more impactful eye to eye.

2. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You get enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?
To God. *ring ring* "Hello, God? I'm sorry for all my sins. Please accept me in Heaven, and all of us here on the plane. Please let us die before we ever feel the burning pain of the growing fire. Amen."

3-4. You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.
(A) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?
Tempting, so that they could treat me with extra care, but no. My death should come by surprise, then when it happens they'd wonder why I had been extra nice for the past month. Then they'll miss me so and their lives would change forever from the eternal joy I brought them.

(B) What will you do with your remaining days?
Spread the gospel of craziness and get as many people as I can to overflow with dreams to fulfill along with the confidence to chase them whatever the cost. (*insert evil deed here*, noo!)

(C) Would you be afraid?
Vanessa Roxas Tan fears nothing. Pain and icky insects are exceptions that even Chuck Norris pretends to not acknowledge their existence.

5. You have the following two things: an ipod and a mobile.
Everyone has a mobile nowadays. I've an mp3 player if that's enough. They're what we call "luxury items."

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
Omg. Everyone knows the right thing to do is to save the dog, but there are many other factors such as how safe the canal would be for myself, how to save the dog if ever it's safe, how to get into the canal in the first place--oh, excuses. Fine, I'll do what I can for the dog if it'll make me feel less guilty of its death. And because it's the right thing to do. 8D Now to aid street beggars.

7. If you could go anywhere in the world, Where would you go?
Académie d'Infini--I swear I wanna study there, even though it's fictional. It's in France so visiting the country is the second best.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
Yea. I find myself entertaining. :D Once in a while you'd see me smiling alone whilst walking on the streets, from remembering whatever things. "D

10. Does love = sex?
Shall I have to discuss? Love is the affectionate emotion one may feel for another, and sex is its physical portrayal.
This is a yes or no question, but too late eh? In some way, yes, but love should always be the prerequisite.

11. Your best friend dies, what would you do?
I'd continue his dreams and fulfill them for him. If done, I'd be happy for him that he has lived a good life.

12. When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt?
I was with Eandra today, and I'm pretty blunt to her so yea. 8D

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
I'd feel sorry for the person if it were the latter, and to think my existence itself weighs someone else down. I, on the other hand, think I can handle whatever.

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
Creating things. Without interaction with the world, I'd be stagnant and bored to death.

15. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Doesn't that portray itself through actions instead of the overused "I love you"?

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you had "no regrets" what would it be?
"No regrets," lol.
Transferring to another high school? I'd like to know how I could handle all the trouble I'd left in my old school.

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who do you call?
The person! "Hi, Stranger! Nice weather tonight, eh?"

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
Why does there have to be a "homeless" adjective in the question? Is it like a stereotype that a street guy would be someone dirty and shunned? Normal people wouldn't. Do I have to say I would so I'd sound trite and self-sacrificing? A see a hobo no different from a stranger, and if I honestly have to do it lest be tattered with the guilt of selfishness forever, I then would go for it as both a complete dare to myself and the gratifying feeling of the man's gratefulness for being saved.

19. Are you old-fashioned?
I like ICQ. I like mIRC. I like SJCS. I like--

20. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or have never loved before?
I've chosen the latter which is my boyfriend so that's that. 8D

Simply reply and...

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
4. I'll tell you my favorite memory of/with you.
5. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. 

Student number?
2006-78044

College?
FA. Ah love it. ^o^

Ano ang course mo?
Fine Arts, major in Painting

Nag-shift ka ba o na-kick out?
Ito na course ko ever since.

Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT? (Where did you take your entrance examination?)
MassComm. May aircon ang classroom 'nun, weehee.

Favorite GE (General Education) classes?
NatSci dahil puro lecture tulad ng gusto ko 8D at Art Stud 1 dahil interesting.

Favorite PE? 
Duckpin Bowling. o_o Masaya kapag nakakatama ng maraming pins, kahit puro chamba lang.

Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot guys/girls sa UP?
Sa mga GE classes, weehee. Sa tambayan din ng CSA, weehee!

Favorite Professors?
Josefina Agravante dahil magaling siya, kahit kinakabahan ako tuwing nagpapa-recite siya. Sa majors, si Roberto Feleo dahil malawak ang kaalaman niya sa materials, at si Jamel Obnamia dahil weird lang siya!

Least favorite GE (General Education) class?
Chem 1! Boring lecture pati report.

Did you sign up for Saturday classes?
Ah yap, Rifle Marksmanship na PE pati CWTS last sem. 8D

Nakapag-field trip ka ba?
Syempre. :D Geog 1 sa Banaue Rice Terraces, weehee! Art Stud 1 sa may Rizal at Laguna.

Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP? 
Er, no. I blame my short attention span.

What Organization/Fraternity/Sorority were you a member of?
Still am. UP CSA, UP Haring Ibon.

Saan ka tumatambay palagi?
Sa Studio Arts na side sa FA, sa tambayan ng mga orgs, sa boarding house ng kaibigan kong si Lara na malapit sa KNL--haha!

Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay?
Bahay, isang oras na biyahe papasok at isa pa pauwi. May Internet sa bahay e. 8D

Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun?
History ang ginugusto ko noon. 'Di hamak na mas gusto ko sa FA ano; sikat kami tuwing Lantern Parade, hihi.

Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP? 
Nag-workshop ako sa FA noon bago mag-first year--sina Sir Jamel pati ang ibang nasa VisCom. Yung mga nakasama ko na sa enrolment ay 'di ko na nakikita. Una kong nakilala na mga kaklase ko sa FA ay sina Lawrence, Kuya Jandy, Lou.

First play na napanood mo sa UP? 
Something with coral reefs. Nirequire kami sa Comm 3 na manood.

Saan ka madalas mag-lunch? 
Doon ako sa Latasia Fusion para vegetarian. Suki din ako sa Katag dahil mura doon.

Name the 5 most conyo orgs in UP.
UP CSA. o_o Uh, yun lang.

Name 5 of the coolest orgs/frats/soro in UP.
Philippine Collegian, Kontra-gapi, Alay Sining, Stand UP, Babaylan

May frat/soro bang nag-recruit sa yo?
Wala. Anong ibig sabihin nun? =O

Masaya ba sa UP? 
Oo. Walang makakakumpara.

Nakasama ka na ba sa rally? 
Hindi pa! Hindi pa nga ako nalalasing e. Ang inosente ko pa!

Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council?
Omg. Never. 'Di ko pa nakikita ang kanilang magagawa para sa student body. 'Di ko nga nararamdaman ang kanilang presence. =O

Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka?
Oo nga, who didn't?

Kanino ka pinaka-patay sa UP? 
Walang pinaka. Marami lang sila at hati-hati!

Kung di ka UP, anong school ka?
UST, art course din.

It's hard to trust people who would rather secure their own finances, and would never dare to bend for whichever possibility. So this guy I've been online friends with since 2001 happened to now work in the TV station (news section, but there nonetheless) from where I am to grab a series of to fansub. Talking with him today is like the worst thing I've ever done.


EDIT, 11 DEC 2007: EVIDENCE DISAPPEARED!


He's still online now, but saying a proper goodbye might worsen the tension we have.

Which is wrong, which is right? I do need answers and opinions, I really do.

A regular day:
Wake up
School
Actually go home early for novel
Forcefully do homework
Go online
Chat--a lot
Sleep

Where is the daily habit but a wish at the back of my mind? Now I am left with failure and another night of sulking about what went wrong through the month, or everything else I leave half-baked for the matter.

*makes sad face*

And left being jealous of everyone who has surpassed fifty thousand words.

It's a serious translation, not the foolish little mock English you may have been thinking. (Smiley) I would highly appreciate constructive criticism, thank you.

*war-cries* Philippine media for the world!

---

Parokya ni Edgar - Halaga (Worth)
translated by: icqgirl

Line 1:    Umiiyak ka nanaman
    You're crying again
Line 2:    Lang'ya talaga, wala ka bang ibang alam?
    Crap, can't you think of anything else?
Line 3:    Namumuktong mga mata
    Those swelling eyes
Line 4:    Kailan pa ba kaya ikaw magsasawa
    When will you ever get tired
Line 5:    Sa problema na iyong pinapasan
    Of the worry you're carrying
Line 6:    Hatid sa'yo ng boyfriend mong
    Brought to you by that boyfriend of yours
Line 7:    hindi mo maintindihan?
    That you can't understand?

Line 8:    May kuwento kang pang-drama nanaman
    You have another soap opera kind of story
Line 9:    Parang pang-TV na walang katapusan
    As though made for TV that goes endlessly
Line10:    Hanggang kailan ka ba ganyan?
    How long will you stay that way?
Line11:    Hindi mo ba alam na walang pupuntahan
    Don't you know that it won't get anywhere,
Line12:    Ang pagtiyaga mo d'yan sa boyfriend mong tanga
    Your staying by your stupid boyfriend
Line13:    Na wala nang ginawa kun'di ang paluhain ka?
    Who did nothing but to set you in tears?

Line14:    Sa libu-libong pagkakataon na tayo'y nagkasama
    Of the thousands of chances we got together
Line15:    Iilang ulit pa lang kitang nakitang masaya
    Only a couple of times have I seen you happy
Line16:    Naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka niya
    Knowing that he treats you that way irritates me
Line17:    Siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang 'yong tunay na halaga
    Maybe he just doesn't know your real worth

Line18:    Ayoko nang isipin pa
    I don't want to think about it anymore
Line19:    'Di ko alam ba't di mo makayanan na iwanan siya
    I don't know why you can't take leaving him
Line20:    Ang dami-dami namang d'yang iba
    There are so many others out there
Line21:    Wag kang mangangambang baka
    wala ka nang ibang makita
    Don't be afraid that you might not find
Line22:    Na lalaki na magmamahal sa'yo
    A man who would love you
Line23:    At hinding hindi niya sasayangin ang pag-ibig mo
    And would never waste your affection

Line24:    Minsan hindi ko maintindihan
    Sometimes I can't understand
Line25:    Parang ang buhay natin ay napagtitripan
    Like our lives are poked fun of
Line26:    Medyo malabo yata ang mundo
    The world seems confusing
Line27:    Binabasura ng iba ang siyang pinapangarap ko
    Other people treat as trash those which I dream of

Line28:    Sa libu-libong pagkakataon na tayo'y nagkasama
    Of the thousands of chances we got together
Line29:    Iilang ulit pa lang kitang nakitang masaya
    Only a couple of times have I seen you happy
Line30:    Naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka niya
    Knowing that he treats you that way irritates me
Line31:    Siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang 'yong tunay na halaga
    Maybe he just doesn't know your real worth
 

http://www.nanowrimo.org

National Novel Writing Month is an annual event that launches every November. What there is to be done is finishing a (draft of a) novel in one month.

Ayoko nang mag-English! Excited na ako, at mailalabas ko lang ang kasiyahan ko sa Tagalog. May ideya na ako; sana gumana! Magsusulat ako ng creative nonfiction. Sana masabay ko ang pagsulat sa pag-aaral ko. 50,000 words pa naman. Mukhang magiging ibang klaseng experience ito. Gagalingan ko talaga para matupad ko ito. Para may mabigay rin ako para sa Gawad Likhaan ng UP. Ahihihi.

Nag-iimbita nga ako ng mga sasali. Nag-imbita si Gail/Al sa Ad'I na forum. Natuwa naman ako kaya sasali ako. Hinatak ko sina Lara, Hype, Auds, Angelo, na mga inimbita ko rin sa forum, muhaha. Kinoconvince ko rin si Azaka. Mas maganda kung mas marami para todo-support sa isa't isa; 'di ko naman kilala ang libu-libong mga ibang sasali pa dito. =D

Excited na ako! Ilang *muramuramura* araw na lang at sulatan na! *muramuramura* 'Di ko na kayang i-contain. *hinga ng malalim*

Kinig ako ngayon sa Savage Garden. Bumabagal... na... ako.

Pagkatapos ng November, dapat may passable novel na ako. Hihihi.

I don't know what this page is for. I had the most absurd idea to have a live chatroom for our forum Ad'I, which, now that I reflect on it, is useless in itself. There's the spammer's friend Shoutbox there, plus, all its members are on YM. No chatroom then.

A blog entry wasn't needed for this as well since I had just found out the room had its own link. http://www.meebo.com/user/icqgirl/room
 But I gleamed upon finding out its embed html codes worked here.

Now the impulse-created chatroom is here and has gotten a little attention. I'll see where it could lead to. I suppose we'll need a topic, eh? Your participation would mean big to me. *Coaxing* Now chat the day/night away!

TOPIC: NaNoWriMo http://www.nanowrimo.org

Been listening to albums of Hilary Duff and Bonnie Pink. Colored two background images that probably took me two hours each, and went on to use them for my sprite comic project for our Art History. Had just finished one comic but I really take pride in it. Read about van Gogh's Starry Night for yes, the project. The second comic is looking good as well.

My eyes are strained. I sincerely hope my vision doesn't blur further.

I f**king rule.

I've been thinking. So what if I get my groupmates into trouble, really? It's not like they had ever done anything to save me while I was drowning, and this may be more of Karma working itself in.

Stupid evil thoughts. We do live for ourselves, eh? I didn't used to believe so, but only perhaps because I was blindfolded and what kept me company was my own visions of rainbows and sparkles.

These people will not help rescue me if I fail, and so I take my own priorities my own way.



Can't save them without saving myself first.

One of my groupmates already seems aggravated. I'm still at home, trying to finish the Art Stud paper whilst having Photoshop-crammed another plate. It's times like this I should be thankful for my hobby, at the same time I hate it feeling like a long-time escape from reality has become part of the job.

I might not even catch up with my Art Stud professor; she might leave by the time I get to school. I wouldn't want my unpleasant stress to turn in vain.

God, what's wrong with me? All I talk about is school, schoolwork, myself. Are the days gone when I shared stories of endless wonder? No time for that.

I shouldn't be right now. In fact, I should be toiling my life away over my paper for Art Studies 1 and another plate I seriously can't finish today. Doing my paper now and having recent memories rush through me like how my classmate Jeff Sayson had asked me, his eyes bulging like that of a stupefied tarsier's, why I hadn't done my plates before (point is, what does he care for other than his own well-being?), and how our professor disappointedly shook her head when I still hadn't finished a more or less two months late plate, when I tried to and at had done another more recent assignment for her subject which was sadly rejected with an accompanying "Why did you you shouldn't have without even making studies" statement,

(Now I know how Yoru had felt when she had drawn by herself the Observatory at Académie D'Infini, expecting much gratitude, and where I had only scolded her for her not consulting us about it in the first place.)

and just the way the others look at me, seemingly peering down onto someone who had trapped herself into a deep dark well.

Listening to loud music to keep the unnecessary thoughts afar, swearing to myself I'd get an icky five for that major subject in which I am faltering in, and getting my groupmates into trouble for not being in school now.

I have only myself to depend on to climb out of this hole, not really meaning to drag anyone else into it as well, but right now it doesn't feel wrong.

And fine, it's all my fault. No, I'm not being emo (eww), and I am only stating how a part of my school life is right now.

As I browse for pictures for this plate
All sorts of things I learn to hate
A wick of candle, burnt to the ground
A bit more thread the fire hounds

This simple cartoon I have just seen
Before, I would prolly like it and gleam
Now I go "Too crude for me
"And well, the rest of society."

What has Fine Arts done to us?
Superiority in our field we lust
We shed no tears to those behind
To race forward, lest we be eyed

Like for a job, we shall compete
To not end up begging in streets
Crocs without mercy, eating alive
Our world a stinging, buzz-filled hive

I used to think that adults suck
Their every day goes by the buck
Isn't there a way to escape
This growing-up phase they call Fate?

A Soul Instrument, hit in the mark
A business tool, a craft so dark
As long as you and I should greed
Our constant struggle will never recede

I'm trying to do a delayed plate right now, this thing our professor calls a Time Capsule. I am looking for pictures related to the era I have chosen for it, merging them together, and hoping the end result would totally look like a lot of effort has been put into it.

For some reason, I have no interest in this, or on any other task in Fine Arts. They are troublesome, pain-staking, never-ending ("Hooray, just finished one plate. Oh my God, another one, no."), and most of all useless. I would really rather make sprite comics and role-play, as I haven't done so for weeks and they're my new hobbies. I scorn Art and the society I was born into for staining the ideals of the representation of Life.

I do not want to hurry with my artworks; what I hate most of all is being forced into something I do not agree on. I don't like creating without a cause, as I no longer am inspired with anything. My hobbies and free time for myself generally empower my soul, and now that I am too preoccupied with work that I feel will go down the drain anyway, it is like I am rotting piece by piece with each passing day. Like people in jail just staring blankly at the wall, waiting for the day of their release, not doing anything because they are unable to. I am only obliging for a passing grade, so I'd still stay in the University and be with the people I have grown to like.

"For the love of Art"? Hah.

My professor says I must follow deadlines since the whole world is made of them. I suppose we can't wait for anyone who gets left behind, like it was their fault in the first place to have been born with a handicap. Why can't anyone stay and aid them, just act as a walking stick to encourage and help them to go further.
Perhaps it is my fault I have little concept of Time. Whoever declared we always had to hurry? Flowers are right beside you, but you hurry off thinking you have something more important to do. It's like Emmie saying the members of AD'I aren't dropping by because they had more important things to do. What in the whole world is more important than being happy for doing something you like and mutually making others happy too for the sensation of creating a wicked story? And I don't follow deadlines, so I don't do my supposed responsibilities, and I'm sorry our priorities are different.

My boyfriend says my course is only training me, so I'd be more efficient. The only way to keep improving is to pour me with more hard work. Who is he to speak, when he himself did not take up Music as a course because he wanted to learn at his own pace? He didn't want to, in Filipino he sort-of said, "puke with overexposure" over his musical instrument of choice.
I didn't know I would get tired of that which I had loved during pre-University as an escape. It's like eating too much MSG. I love junk food, but it gets sickening after a crazy indulgence.

Jeff Sayson teases me too much about my current academic standing. The tone of his voice says he himself is doing so much better. Bitch.



I'm tired. I want to live like Tare Panda and roll around the grass. Loud, repetitive music is my nearest exit. Where have I gotten myself into?

(Wow, I thank God that my entry was saved when our PC froze. Good work, Good Force out there.)

Ah, it's not that I want to be filthy rich, but sometimes I think I have to be, simply just to defend myself. No position in the society, no respect. It's like having to be born with a birth certificate to prove you were conceptualized. Good work.

Fact is, I still can't do my plate right. It's not turning out oogly pretty like it should be, and I have said why. It's like I'm toiling in a factory; goodbye to the reaching of perfection, hello massive multiplication of everything. Too much is being wasted and everyone's too busy wasting themselves to notice.



EDIT: Wow, I wrote this in exactly twenty-five minutes. That's amazingly quick for me. I had been thinking about it too much, maybe, and this is the type of writing that works well with a constant flow of thoughts, called a draft.